18th July 2017

TAKING THE PISS – at Home

TAKING THE PISS - at Home

Day 4-10 | 26 April – 3 May

After 4 days in hospital I was looking forward to being around my family, enjoying my home comforts and taking the next step towards recovery.  Pissing in pots which started in hospital was now a whole new ball game. I have two toddlers and a wife which would make things interesting

The wife unfortunately took the brunt of the new piss pot games, having to empty my pots frequently, lucky wife. She was not a fan. I could tell because she became very judgmental about my wee – which isn’t kind – but considering she now had to manage toilet issues from all three of us boys, I kept quiet.

Having graduated from cardboard wee pots I had now been upgraded to plastic pots with lids… ooo, luxury.  All confined within an old washing up bowl to contain any accidental spillages.

At home discretion was paramount, sometimes there wasn’t anything around to protect my dignity…  This was ok whilst it was just the wife in the house, but having other family and friends around, it could become awkward.

Obviously at times, I did have to ask people to leave the room. Which was fun, because I could use this tactically depending on how much I liked someone.  I remember the look on some of my friends’ faces when I asked them to leave because I needed a wee, at first, utter confusion, but then the pot came out and they soon went running!

The best game, however, involves someone I affectionately refer to as the big man, my three year old son and best buddy.  I was nervous of him seeing me use the wee pots as I knew he would want to be part of the game… but little boys and wee pots would surely mean trouble!

At first my wife would steer the boys out of the room so I could wee in peace, but after a we couldn’t keep it up forever. The big man and I were watching a Disney film, as we love to do, and I could feel nature calling. What move would I make? This had now become a tough game with many options…

Do I tell the big man to:

  1. Leave the room (poor kid would think he had been naughty)
  2. Try and wee discretely (no chance as he was cuddling in to me and very alert to everything)
  3. Grab my crutches and head painfully for the toilet (I was still in too much pain and really couldn’t be bothered).
  4. Risky option D… Embrace the wee pot and hope for the best

I went all out for risky option D and decided to embrace the pot. I could do this. What could possibly go wrong?!

“Big man… Daddy needs to use his potty.”

He looked at me very confused, probably wondering if I was going to crush his Thomas the Tank potty!

I grabbed my pot and he was instantly intrigued. I was committed now, so cracked on with the wee I was desperate for, with my poor boy sitting next to me looking quite stunned. Father/ son relationship had just upped a notch.

He stood up proudly and announced to his daddy and little brother:

“Daddy, I think I need to use my potty as well!”

Off he ran off to the bathroom, brought it back and then proceeded to crack on as well! That’s my boy!

I’m hoping that’s the end of the piss pot games for now. I’ve hopefully dealt with the inevitable why, why, why questions and I think he has lost interest. He did say to me the next day:

“Daddy let me know if you want to use your potty and I will bring it for you”

If the little man (18 months) ever spots me doing it that could be a whole different ball game…

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